This weekend, I went on my first holiday shopping extravaganza. It wasn't quite as bad as I thought it would be. I did buy a few things, but most of them were personal in nature and nice, rather than being "consumer crap". It amazes me how much differently I have found myself thinking about the holiday season this year... its fascinating when you discover the history and the progress of a part of your life that people generally take for granted as having always been "the way of things". :-D

Yesterday while reading a novel called Myth of the Welfare Queen I came across a chapter that was very in touch with the readings we have done in this class, especially the latest one "Wassailing across the color line". The book deals with welfare recipients in Northern Philedelphia, in 1994, (low end of the social hierarchy) before the AFDC plan was cut from the national budget. This chapter dealt with the holiday season and in particular the plan of one Welfare Reform group. They had planned to take over abandoned houses belonging to HUD just before Christmas, hoping to use the charity of the season to make it last. This is parallel to the misrule generally associated with the lower classes around this time, and more importantly is much like the slave uprisings that occured. I found it rather interesting how this idea has still found a place in society, although in a slightly different form. It is interesting how things from this class have made their way into others, giving me a new view on society. That makes me happy. Haha

On another note, I just purchased my first Christmas gift. It is a bear for my girlfriend wearing a tee shirt that says "someone in Geneseo (heart)'s me". Aww, how cute.

I just got back from Thanksgiving break last night... it was a nice respite from the hectic schedule of school, and it got me to thinking about some of the similarities between this holiday and December 25th. Both holidays seem to have a sense of family togetherness. I wonder whether this is coincedence, or if Thanksgiving too has been minipulated in the manner I now know Christmas has. It makes me want to look into the history of Thanksgiving to see where it really came from!

On another note, I haven't decided which paper I want to revise yet. I really did not like my 5th paper, and I think I would rather re-write that one, but I have to wait to get it back first. Well I've gotta run, I'll come back later.

I just finished paper 5. I am NOT happy with it. I simply couldn't come up with a concrete thesis. I felt like the paper had no structure, and no matter what I did, it just didn't make sense. I even changed from the theme of time to that of family. I guess that I didn't really understand the assignment or something. I don't feel that I'm going to get a good grade..... but I tried hard. I almost never revise my papers much, and I spent about 3 hours trying to make sense of what I wrote (losing almost a page in the process). Oh well. :-(

My paper is due Monday. So far I have a page and a half written, and I HATE every word of it. The structure is terrible and it sounds like crap. Problem is, I really don't know what to do to make it better. I don't feel like I completely understand what I'm trying to write, so I find myself writing alot of BS ( excuse my french). I'm just so frustrated right now. The semester is over in less than a month and I'm beginning to feel the strain of everything coming up at once. I think I might just re-write my paper entirely, using a new thesis. I guess the problem is that I've never been forced to create essays from scratch before. In highschool the thesis was always thrown at you, and you just had to plug and chug some information and get an A. Yippee! Now, alas, tis not the case. I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of academia.

I finally finished A Christmas Carol over the weekend, beside a warm fire with a warm cup of tea :-) I spent a long time thinking about the story, as I have to write a paper on it, and I'm having some trouble with it. The first thing I noticed was how differently it was written when compared to some of Dickens' other works such as Great Expectations. Realizing that that wasn't going to help my paper at all, I began to think about other things. I thought about the idea of charity and its importance, as well as the emotions connected with Christmas. I also tried to think of the story in terms of the modern day rather than the 19th century, to see if it's lessons are as applicable today as they were over 100 years ago. I feel that they are.

I still haven't gotten a concrete thesis for my paper. My rough draft was on the theme of time, but I'm thinking about scrapping that completely in lieu of something better. I feel that the idea of charity is a good topic to write about, and one that is clearly demonstrated in the story.

This week I read the great majority of A Christmas Carol, and I found myself connecting to it in a very strange way. In going to college, my greatest concern has always been to get a job that pays very very well. I've decided that it is more important for me to be well off, in a job that I don't enjoy, than make less money and be happy. While reading this story, I found myself thinking how much like Scrooge my th ought process has been. It has scared me. I too have started following a golden idol, and in the process I fear I may have lost sight of what is truly important. It really was quite the epiphany... something that I've been thinking about for a few days now. I certainly didn't think that this book was going to affect me in such a dramatic fashion. I'm starting to question if transferring to Cornell is what I really want to do, or if college is even if I want to do. I'm afraid that if i spend my life worrying about money and success, that my life will slip by before I realize whats truly important.